Being a married, father of three and a startup founder I never realized what it meant to be a mother. I never understood why mothers have this internal need to run things like an army boot camp... every minute planned, every outfit put together, every word analyzed, every action overseen.
To me, as a father, a lot…actually all…of those things seem ridiculous and a waste of time. "Why? Just relax. Does it really matter?? Calm the #*%$* down!!"- are just some of my inner thoughts that I'd never dare say out loud.
Ok... fine, you caught me… I say those things quite frequently and yes I'm a horrible husband for doing it….but a recent beat-down I got, allowed me a new perspective.
Round # 1:
My wife comes home and says, "Guess what I bought?”
My standard reply, "It better not be clothes for the kids….they have tons of crap that they don’t wear and on top of that, they grow out of it in 3 months."
Ignoring me, she walks up the stairs.
After 15 minutes (probably stashing away the receipts) she says, "Do you want to see it or not?”
Knowing WW III is imminent, I said "Sure, but you better not have spent more than a two digit number".
Her comeback, "Sorry...two digits??? You know we are not talking about your IQ…right?? "
(Damn! Upper Cut … Wife: 1 - Me: 0)
She opens the bag. "Lacoste for Ajan, Lelli Kelly for Ariya, and Baby Uggs for Anjuli…you'll never believe how much I paid.”
After 10 years of marriage she still leaves the opening for me, "Can't be more than $15. Am I right? You know your pissing money away. These kids don’t care if it’s Gucci or friggen Costco. The labels make YOU feel better not them!”
(Body Shot...I’m back in it!!! Wife: 1 - Me: 1)
Uh-oh…20 seconds pass by. She has this zen demeanor, like when Rocky realizes he can beat Drago. A clear thought that makes sense….no can’t be… can it??
She starts, "Listen when you went through 5 UI designers for your app and pissed more money away than I can imagine…did I say a single word? Do you think YOUR USERS, which by the way you DON'T have any of, care if the tab is forest green or hunter green. You want your baby to look perfect, no matter what….Right?"
(I don’t remember much after that. Winner: Wife by knockout)
The Rematch:
As soon as I walk through the door, "You better do something about this--- Ajan won't eat his vegetables, Ariya won’t shower, and Anjuli keeps putting things in her mouth."
To which I reply, "Take it down a notch babe....relax..... Its just kids being kids."
She has that zen look again. "Well how would you like it if that app of yours wasn’t behaving after you put in countless hours of programming…is it just a cr--app being a cr-app!!”
(Damn..sucka punch below the belt.. I had to throw in the towel)
After the humiliation subsided a bit, the new perspective hit me like a ton of bricks: the founder’s love and a mother's love are the same thing.
Just like a mother, my startup baby is not just my DNA but an umbilical cord extension of me. As we are nurturing our baby in the womb, we go through a rollercoaster of emotions - manic highs and depressive lows.
We carry this thing around with us 24/7, not wanting anybody to see it until its perfect. Once it’s born into the world, we don't have control anymore. It’s open for criticism and can be shaped into something we never wanted it to. Our hopes, dreams and vision can come crashing down…I guess you can call this founder's post-partum.
The other type of Founder that are en vogue right now and more courageous than I, are the ones that keep giving birth to different ideas/products/apps for the world to see and keep going until they get it right (think minimum viable product and pivot).... I wish I could be this type of Founder everyday, unfortunately I am not.
I am still trying to put the finishing touches on that SAME vision I had 3 years ago. Right now it’s easy for me to dream that IORAD will one day make its small mark and change the world for the better (OK...maybe that’s a stretch but at the very least it might alleviate some pain) because nobody is there to criticize it and rip it apart.
Well after 3 years...to hell with founder’s post-partum...tell me what you think.
Sign up & take IORAD for a spin! It’s the easiest way to create interactive tutorials and user guides for your application. (beta & buggy)
So here’s to all the male startup founders out there….this is the closest thing we will ever feel to what it means to be a mom. If you are halfway successful in raising your baby, you will eventually have to start letting go…so enjoy the ride while you can.
So here’s to all the male startup founders out there….this is the closest thing we will ever feel to what it means to be a mom. If you are halfway successful in raising your baby, you will eventually have to start letting go…so enjoy the ride while you can.
Shout Outs:
To my beautiful and supportive wife and mother to my children - Dipti
To my father who always told me to reach for the stars
To my Manhar uncle (who recently passed), showed me a true leader is not how many followers you have but how many leaders you make
To my Manhar uncle (who recently passed), showed me a true leader is not how many followers you have but how many leaders you make
And lastly, To Team- IORAD - Susrut, Satyajit, & Subrat for without you, my vision would’ve just remained a vision.
